Good Grief: Finding Peace After Pet Loss

Our friend, Sid Korpi, from the Meetup.com world recently shared with us her lovely book on dealing with the loss of a pet, titled “Good Grief: Finding Peace After Pet Loss”

About the Book

The pain of losing a beloved animal companion is unlike any other. However, because our society on the whole discounts our grief as frivolous since we’ve “merely lost an animal,” too many of us feel we must keep silent in our anguish or be labeled somehow defective. Good Grief: Finding Peace After Pet Loss ends the misperception that we must suffer in solitary confinement and thus prolong, or stay permanently stuck in, our grief.

The book melds the author’s personal perspectives and astounding stories with those of professionals (such as veterinarians, animal communicators, and religious leaders) and other animal lovers the world over to help you make your pet-grieving process as positive as possible.

Book’s Objectives -  Reading this book will teach you:

• How to emotionally prepare for a pet’s euthanasia—understanding when it’s time;

• How to take care of yourself while around people who just don’t understand your pain;

• How to view death not as an ending, but (as animals see it) a natural transformation;

• How to memorialize and celebrate your pet’s life; and

• How to move on after your loss and love again.

About the Author

Sid Korpi has combined her decades of varied professional experience—as an editor, writer, journalist, English teacher, actor, and ordained minister/animal chaplain—with her lifelong devotion to the animal companions who have blessed and shared her life in creating Good Grief: Finding Peace After Pet Loss. Surviving a “tsunami of loss” in her own life led to her discovery of spiritual truths that brought her strength and facilitated her heart’s healing. She felt compelled to share these things with others who suffer—often in isolation—from the passing on of their very dearest nonhuman friends, their pets.

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Remembering our Pets

The following is a guest post from our friends at Harmony in Creation:

Our animal friends come in many shapes and sizes. They can be covered in fur, feathers or even scales. The bond that we have with our beloved companions is effortless and pure. They love us without condition and give of themselves freely. When we experience the separation of that companionship we are at a loss. It is difficult to remember the wagging tails, purring vocals, or chirping affirmations of their undying devotion. When our pets go on before us, it is quite difficult to remember the good times and good memories that have been shared. That’s why our memories are so important.

With a Memorial DVD, your pictures can be set to music, with special editing effects and your special sentiments. We will create a DVD Scrapbook for the pet that has recently passed away, but is very much still alive in your heart and memory. Your Musical DVD will be an everlasting reminder of the love, bond and companionship to the pet that offered their undying devotion and love.

We also offer the Celebratory DVD, for the current pet in your life. Whether it’s a New Adoption, a Holiday, Family Vacation, or whatever the Pet Occasion…we will help you celebrate those memories in the making.

To sample our work, please visit: www.HarmonyInCreation.com

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Grief Counselors

Grief takes time

Grief Counseling Goals

The principle goals of grief counseling and the grief counselor are not quite the same as for therapy where one wants and needs to change behavior.

One of the most important goals of the grief counselor is to educate about the road map, the process that the griever is going through.

When one has a sense that there is a rhyme and a reason to the grieving process, there is less fear about the intensity of emotions which may seem to appear from nowhere. The grieving individual can recognize that they are at the anger stage for example, remember that this is an important part of the letting go process, that it is helpful, and is actually helpful for the grieving individual. The goal of the grief counselor is to be “present” for the bereaved which means listen closely, emphatically, but not join in the emotions.

Grief Takes Time

Grief counselors recognize that grief is a process that cannot be rushed.

Thus one attempts to be “right there” in whatever stage of grief the person is currently experiencing. Grief counseling may also work to remind the person that most of the feelings they have or choices they make while grieved are quite natural and normal. When a person loses a loved one, for example, he or she may first receive lots of kind attention from friends and family. Yet most friends and family will often want to move on after a few weeks, especially when the loss has no direct effect on them personally. The grieving person on the other hand, may not be ready to “move on.” This tends to be when grief counseling becomes most effective. It gives the person a new way to continue to process their loss and receive compassion that may not be available from society or even close friends or family.

Grief is a non-linear process that can take a great deal of time.

Thus in grief counseling, the counselor works with the client to be a compassionate witness of the process, but not to speed it up. Understanding that grief is felt and expressed differently by people is also important. This is always good information for men, who may not have a great deal of weeping involved in their grief, and who may feel ashamed about their grief because of that lack.

If you, or anyone you know, is experiencing grief please give our Fort Worth counseling office a call at 817-495-8753.

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Good Self-Care During the Holidays

Listening to our bodies can be a difficult skill to master.

Christmas Guy - Gagged HostageAs we grow older, the divide between what we want our bodies to do, and what our bodies are capable of doing grows larger. We get hung up on phrases like “ought to” and “should be able to.” Our bodies betray us when we attempt activities that we were once capable of accomplishing without a second thought. As we grow older, these situations become more common and it is important to acquire skills that allow you to use and maximize the abilities that you have, in an intelligent and safe manner.

I’d like to share a few helpful tips that may help you to engage in the activities that you want, without “paying” for it later. These few simple strategies can make a big difference.

1. Admit to yourself that you are no longer capable of what you were 5, 10, or 20 years ago. Assess your current state of health and ability. Be honest with yourself (this is often the hardest part).

2. If there’s an important even coming up (preparing Thanksgiving dinner for 20 or the pre-Thanksgiving football game), be sure to rest up beforehand. Getting a few regular, full nights of sleep, will increase the energy reservoir of the body. It is also important to take the opportunity to rest whenever possible during the activity. Take a moment to sit down, or even lean against the wall. Be kind to yourself.

3. Develop a realistic plan of exercise/fitness. If you need help, work with your doctor or a physical therapist, who can provide some good advice. Remember that it’s important to keep your muscles strong, not just to look good (though, that’s a nice side benefit), but also because it will decrease your chances of injury.

4. Good nutrition. Nourish your body with foods and drinks that help vs. hurt it. Again, work with a professional (nutritionist, dietitian and/or trainer), if you need help.

5. Alleviate psychological stress. Stress can induce and exacerbates physical pain. It can cause spasms, increased blood pressure, muscle tension, aches and a host of negative effects. Sometimes the stress of having the entire family together can be a bit overwhelming. Try to plan ahead. Scout out some areas beforehand that might be good spots to take a break and have a few minutes to yourself to decompress. Take a few deep breaths, let your lungs fill with air until your belly expands, and then exhale all of the air. A few repetitions of this will trigger the body’s relaxation response.

6. Give yourself the best chance for success with some good self-care. Make an individual plan of things that help you.

7. Keep things light. Try not to engage family members who hold opposing views (politics, religion, etc). Thanksgiving is not a time for debate – it’s a time for enjoying your loved ones and finding points of connection (even small ones). This is the time to try to bond vs. to win arguments.


Many thanks to Matthew Purinton, MSW, LSW for this wonderful advice. Matt is a Staff Therapist in CFR’s University City office and can be reached at 215-382-6680 ext. 3135.

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The Importance of Self-Defense Training

iStock_000003651112XSmallWhen asked how violence affects their choices, many people report they feel confusion, fear, and ambivalence on a regular basis. At least half the women skip activities they love because they are worried that they are not safe. Many people enjoying walking in the woods, exploring a new city, or jogging in the evening, but they don’t allow themselves to do it. Or they go anyway, but feel fear and self-doubt the whole time.

Here’s the good news: according to a U.S. government study, intended rape victims are 4 times more likely to escape from an assault if they physically defend themselves then if they don’t (U.S. Department of Justice, 1985). In many communities if the recent past, self-defense skills were considered specialized knowledge, necessary only for members of the military, police officers, and perhaps boxers or wrestlers. Today, these skills are being made available to novices, athletes, experts, and coach potatoes alike. But compared to the number of people who learn other life skills, such as driving, swimming, or balancing a checkbook, the number who choose to study self-defense is still astonishingly low. According to U.S. Department of justice statistics, five out of six people can expect to experience violence during their lifetimes. Imagine if five out of six people were expected to be in a car accident, and yet almost no one took driving lessons!

About Tucker Davis Defense Training

Tucker is a forth degree Master Instructor in Tae Kwon Do and has 15 years teaching experience. He is also a certified rape awareness and prevention instructor. Our program, Self-Defense: Steps to Survival will teach you to identify danger, avoid assault, and defend yourself and others against attackers in a variety of situations. Based on the proven strategies taught on campuses and in metropolitan areas worldwide, martial arts instructor Katy Mattingly’s Self- Defense: Steps to Survival is both practical and immediately applicable for men, women, and teens regardless of previous experience.

With Tucker’s direction you’ll learn to perform these skills:

  • Assess your surroundings, notice warning signs, and remove yourself from potential harm.
  • Use the power of your own voice to thwart an attack.
  • Recognize warning signs of violence in an intimate relationship.
  • Resist and escape physical and sexual violence by strangers and acquaintances.
  • Free yourself from an assailant’s grasp.
  • Develop an arsenal of strikes, kicks, and defense techniques for countering physical attacks.
  • Defend yourself against weapon attacks and multiple attackers.

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The Benefits of Grief Counseling

iStock_000009835043XSmallBereavement or grief counseling can be a very beneficial experience for some. There are some considerations the patient should make before entering a bereavement counseling program.

It’s important to seek out counseling that has the same core beliefs as the client. For example, if the client is an atheist you don’t want a counselor who is Christian based and tends to base comfort of the principles of Christianity. Choose the program that fits the patient and the problems.

Help with the basics of daily living:

Most credible programs have a curriculum designed to help you remember and learn how to do daily chores that others may have taken care of, or tend to forget. Check out this amazing statistic: 50% of people who loose a spouse forget to pay monthly bills the first month after the death. They miss doctor appointments and forget to go to bed and get up at regular times. They may not have the skills needed to get back to life after the funeral.

Financial Counseling:

Funerals are expensive and often times the family left behind is ill-equipped to deal with the financial aspects left in their care. There are programs and counseling available to help the grieving handle these situations.

Safe environment for emotional outlet:

Your neighbors, family, and friends may not want to hear you scream, swear, cry, rant and rave, but there is a place for all those emotions in bereavement counseling. You won’t be judged for your feeling and outbursts, instead you will learn how to deal with these issues. You will have your feelings validated. You will grow and learn.

Educational Services:

Most reputable programs also have contacts within the educational environment. For example, if your loved one passed away with colon cancer you may want to learn all you can and educate others. Learning has a way of healing. With knowledge comes understanding and acceptance.
There are many programs out there.

At Tucker Davis Counseling you will find people you can relate to and can help you remember that you are a full and whole person even though you have lost someone important in your life. Tucker Davis is the only certified grief counselor in the Metroplex. He holds a Fellowship with The American Academy of Grief Counseling.

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What is Pastoral Counseling?

Thoughtful womanPastoral Counseling is a branch of counseling in which ordained ministers, rabbis, priests and other non-ordained, lay persons provide therapy services. The therapists integrate modern psychological thought and method with traditional religious training.

“Pastoral Counseling” is differentiated from “Pastoral Care”, Christian Counseling”, or “Biblical Counseling”.

Tucker Davis is a Board Certified Pastoral Counselor and specializes in metaphysical counseling.

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The importance of self-confidence and self-esteem

Part 3 of a 3 part series on Rape.

eye_rightIdentifying your inner strengths and weaknesses is the beginning in making it possible for you to grow and obtain strong self-esteem and self-confidence (or simply termed “self” for future reference).

Strong self adds to your awareness and psychological bearing, and helps you better deal with the emotional side effects that result from the horrifying experience of being raped. The emotional and mental torment inflicted upon the victim produces an aftermath that seems endless. A women’s dignity is instantly destroyed and she loses faith in society, men in general, and ultimately herself.

Take steps now towards bettering and enhancing yourself and removing psychological blocks that interfere with self development. You will become a stronger person who is better able to speak up for herself and her convictions. Strong self-esteem leads to a productive, caring, and happy person: strong self-confidence builds an assured attitude and personality.

I occasionally offer a self-defense course in which the first exercise I ask my student do is complete a questionnaire to help you identify with your inner self.

Read more:
Part 1 – Rape and its many definitions
Part 2 – Various types of rapes and their classification

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Various types of rapes and their classification

Part 2 of a 3 part series on Rape.

SadnessOne of the most common forms of rape is known as the date rape. Occurring most frequently during or at the conclusion of a date, the power rapist expects to have sex as a “thank you gesture” for the privilege of his company. The power rapist uses his strength to control and force sexual intercourse. He seeks the feeling of being in control, overpowering his victim, and using as much force as necessary to subdue his victim. The more the victim resists, the more the power rapist enjoys what he is doing.

A stranger rape is the least common, but the most dangerous. Committed by a sadistic rapist, stranger rape is ruthless and unpredictable. The sadistic rapist enjoys torturing and occasionally murdering his victim, as he derives pleasure from the victim’s fear and pain. He is full of hatred, and looks forward to degrading, hurting, and dehumanizing his victim by humiliation and physical brutality. He randomly selects his victims; they may be young, old, ugly, beautiful, fat or thin—it doesn’t matter.

When a teenage girl is sexually assaulted, it is referred to as social rape. The adolescent  girl is going “steady” with a boy may fall prey to the social rape because she is not yet clear on territorial issues, and is not sure who is responsible for any given behavior.

The non-sadistic rapist has fear that no women would date or have sexual relations with him, so intercourse is forced. These men usually possess acute feelings of sexual and social inadequacy. The fantasy of the nonsadistic rapist is that the victim will fall immediately in love with him after intercourse.

Acquaintance rape is the most common type of rape. Acquaintance rape, along with date rape, is committed by someone known by the victim. This rapist usually admits hearing the woman say “no”, but presumes she did not mean it. He feels if a women is forced into having sex, she will be grateful later.

When opportunity knocks, the opportunistic rapist is known to take advantage of any given situation. He is one who does not seek physical conflict, but when he encounters the possibility of self-satisfaction, he seizes the opportunity.

With the many rapists and definitions of rape recognized by our society, the anger rapist stands alone. The anger rapist is angry at the world, and enjoys attacking and hurting women in general. In fact he is as likely assault men as he is women.  Often he enjoys striking the woman in the face or head while sexually assaulting her. The anger rapist is usually very impulsive and may have a long criminal record.

In my next post I talk about the importance of self-confidence and self-esteem.

Read more:

Part 3 – The importance of self-confidence and self-esteem
Part 1 – Rape and its many definitions

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Rape and its many definitions

Part 1 of a 3 part series on Rape.

iStock_000004473936XSmallRape is defined as the crime of forcing another person to submit to sexual intercourse.

Rape can be defined many different ways, but to simplify it, if the person is unwilling and refuses to engage in sexual acts but is forced into doing so, it is undoubtedly considered rape. Most dictionaries define rape using the phrase “forced sexual intercourse”, but rape does not always end at sexual intercourse. Some rapists beat their victim, others murder or maim.

Today’s society does not take the crime of rape seriously enough.  Our society has been one that predicts the future based on current statistics. The statistics that reflect rape and assault are overwhelming. If statics are to indeed predict the future, then we are in serious jeopardy. Our culture sensationalizes sex to such an extent that concern for rape and sexual abuse is greatly overshadowed. With rape occurring more frequently as well as being blatantly overlooked, it has been and continues to be regulated to the “back burner”.

It is frequently asked what can be done to prevent this epidemic. The first step is educating us, followed by the education of others.

Initially, we must become familiar with the various definitions, titles, and terms used to describe certain types of rape: date rape, stranger rape, social rape, and acquaintance rape; as well as the classifications of rapists to include the power rapist, sadistic rapist, social rapists, nonsadistic rapist, acquaintance rapist, opportunistic rapist, and anger rapist.

In my next post I’ll define these various types of rapes and their classification.

Read on:

Part 2 – Various types of rapes and their classification
Part 3 – The importance of self-confidence and self-esteem

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